Saturday, February 20, 2010


Losing a child is my worst fear. I think about it a lot and I can't imagine ever having to go through that. Finn's short stay at the NICU was very stressful and painful but not only because of his situation. All the other babies in there made my heart hurt too. Just being in there and seeing all the babies laying there, hearing all the machines going off all day and wondering if they were going to be ok. It was really hard. I would see nurses and doctors rushing over to this one little baby that weighed about 2 pounds, and I just cried every time. I prayed all day for all the babies in there and for Finn. It was a very emotional week for me and Jared. We were just planning on having our baby, and staying in the hospital and enjoying him. God had different plans for us, and it changed our lives.  I talk about it often and I know that Finn is ok now, and that undeveloped lungs are common. It was just an eye-opener for me. I never really thought much about things happening to babies, or losing a child and I just wasn't pepared for it (I guess no one is).

I have been reading a lot of blogs about the loss of children and it really gives me inspiration. It is very sad to read about it, but on the other hand to see how they can go through that and then say it strengthens their relationship with God. I have seen a lot of people say that they turn their sadness in to strength and help others. It just amazes me that these couples faith stays so strong with such a devastating experience, and then they can minister to other people going through the same thing. 

This is a quote from a blog that I found called Ella's Halo. They lost their little girl in the NICU. I don't know the details but when I read this it just touched me.
"Then you realize that you had been blessed to have had that one precious moment. Lucky that you were chosen to have had such an experience. So lucky to have felt such a connection with something so beautiful. So lucky to have seen that little star."

I heard a song on the radio yesterday and it just hit the spot with all these things that I have been thinking about. It is by JJ Keller and called "Your Hands". You should listen to it!

I have unanswered prayers

I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still

So tonight I am saying a special prayer for everyone out there that may be struggling with any kind of pain. If it's the loss of a child, infertility, finanical problems, marital problems, the loss of a family member, any kind of health issues, or many other things. There are lots of things out there that are hurting people, and I will be praying that God will help take your pain away.  You just have to "Praise him in this storm" and know that one day his plan for us will be revealed and he will BLESS us!


  1. This post is amazing! You have such a sweet heart! I have read lots of these stories too over at Kelly's Korner and they are just heart wrenching! I also have a dear blogger friend whom you probably have read her story Katie (Katie's Keepers) whom lost her litle girl Reese when she was 2 days old in August....She is currently pregnant....I pray for her often...she is the sweetest beautiful person inside and out and she is such a true inspiration and daughter of christ!

    Thanks for praying for all of us....

    Oh how is Finn? Is he feeling better? Did you find out if it was teething?

    Have a great rest of the weekend
    Summer :0)

  2. Thank you. I needed to get that out!

    Yes he is doing better. I think he may be getting 2 bottom teeth and I think he may have been still getting over his ear infection. Once you think you get them figured out they change on ya!! But I love every minute of it!

    Thanks for asking!

  3. This is one of my worst fears too...having a baby spend time in the NICU will definitely give you some perspective and make you appreciate the time you have with your children. Those 3 weeks that we spent there with C were difficult beyond measure. I thank God each day for blessing us and caring for him so fully those first days of his life.

    Great post...thanks for sharing!